Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Toddy - that's 10 points!

Lunchtimes are now often spent playing Scrabble on Facebook.

Toddy (Lee Todd - lee@theazaleagroup.com for all single women!) is very good and consistently finds seven-letter words.

I think it's going to his head, however, as he keeps saying "I invented Scrabble ya know". Anybody would think he was Harry Redknapp.
BUNKY

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The ideal gift for Christmas?

Received a pleasant email this morning about a new golf book which I must purchase.

I've included the letter below.

Dear golfing friends,

You may not know it, but I have been very busy over the last couple of years putting my thoughts and ideas together into a book. I am very proud of the results and, in order to market the publication, I am asking friends and family to assist.

The book is on golf. I believe it gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my years of experience. The book is only £6.95 and can be ordered by simply replying to this email with the appropriate credit card info.


Check one: ___ VISA ___ Master Card ___ Discover __ American Express

Card # __________________________ Exp. Date _______________

Last chance to get the book at this price. __________________________________________________________________


Highlights include;


Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt

Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Maxfli from the Rough When You Hit a Titleist from the Tee

Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker (also seeChapter 8)

Chapter 4 - How to Get More Distance off the Shank

Chapter 5 - When to Give the Ranger the Finger

Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings

Chapter 7 - When to Implement Handicap Management

Chapter 8 - Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m.

Chapter 10 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water

Chapter 13 - How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three off the Tee

Chapter 14 - When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent

Chapter 16 - When to Re-grip Your Ball Retriever

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Ding dong!

A couple of Azalea guys were helping out a client at an exhibition last Friday – and the first person to stroll past the stand was none other than super-model Claudia Schiffer.

“She glanced across and I smiled back. There was obviously some sexual chemistry there,” said the Azalea super-employee, who will remain anonymous following contact from Ms Schiffer’s legal team.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

A waste of time and money...

The public relations industry is wasting huge amounts of time and money by failing to communicate its message to the media in the right way, says a new survey http://tinyurl.com/yj4sjvz

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Let me be your fantasy

We're all playing the European Tour's fantasy Race to Dubai game in the office.

Not surprisingly, as it has the word 'race' in the title, Bunky was lacking interest and lagging way behind.

He claims to be much more interested in the Azalea fantasy football league we constructed for this season ... in which he is also lagging way behind. That'll teach him to include Pompey players in his starting XI.

He quite oftens enters 'fantasy' into Google during his lunch-hours and when we heard some 'ooing' and 'ahing' from his corner of the office we weren't too sure if we should ask him what he'd found.

He'd actually visited the blog of one of our clients, Yourgolftravel.com, Europe's fastest growing golf travel company. And they had a fantasy of their own: a fantasy 18 holes which explained the longing sighs from the fat one.

So we've decided to lift the piece in its entirety and use it here. Bunky's only complaint was that it didn't feature any from his favourite course: the 12-hole pay-and-play just over the road here in Petersfield.

YGT could take umbrage at us using their piece of course, but Bunky's bigger than them - all of them put together in truth, so they're not likely to complain.

Read on, and enjoy...

If you could build a golf course of your own taking the holes from existing courses which holes would you choose?

We have compiled our very own Fantasy Golf course, the only stipulation being that the holes must fill the actual position they do on their home course.

Our course turns out to be a par 73 and is 7,562 yards from the back tees! Why not tell us which holes you think should be in your Fantasy Golf Course (to do this visit the YGT site here)


Hole 1: Doonbeg, Ireland - 540 yard Par 5


This could be deemed among the best starting holes in golf; the view of the beach and massive dunes from the tee is breathtaking. Pitching your drive onto the downhill fairway you then need to avoid a small pot bunker with your second, leaving an approach to a green protected on three sides by an enormous dune.




Hole 2 – Walton Heath (Old), England
- 475 yard Par 4


The glorious par 4 oozes history from every blade of grass. Hitting the perfect tee-shot is important for giving a clear view to the green. The first pro at Walton Heath, five-time Open Champion James Braid, was said to be so accurate on this hole that a shelf located 250 yards off the tee is named the “James Braid Shelf”. The approach shot leaves little room for error with heather right and left and an elevated green which is exposed to the elements.





Hole 3 – The Belfry (Brabazon), England
- 538 yard Par 5


This hole requires a drive down the left side of the fairway to try and reach the green in two, if not you will have to lay up short of the lake leaving an approach shot that requires the correct club selection, anything near the front of the green will come back off it.



Hole 4 - Royal Portrush (Dunluce), Northern Ireland - 457 yard Par 4


This hole gives you the first glimpses of the ocean in the background although take care with your tee shot since pot bunkers await any stray drives to the left-hand side right of the fairway. A raised green runs deep into the Dunes inviting you to pitch on softly and run up to the main part of the hole.




Hole 5 - Bethpage (Black), USA - 478 yard Par 4


This is a tough par 4, the downhill tee shot is played to a fairway that sits at a slight left-to-right diagonal. Large overhanging oaks will block your approach to the green if you stray too far left so you need to hug the right-side cross bunker with your drive. The approach is to a relatively small green that slopes from back to front.



Hole 6 - Carnoustie (Championship), Scotland
- 520 yard Par 5


Officially renamed in 2003 as Hogan’s Alley to commemorate Ben Hogan’s Open Championship win in 1953, this hole is where Carnoustie starts to turn up the heat. Often played into the prevailing wind this hole can be a severe par 5. Bunkers and out of bounds await the miss-cued drive and it requires a brave player to drive to that narrow piece of fairway. Care must also be taken with your second shot as once again Jockey’s burn bites deeply into the right side of the fairway.



Hole 7 - Pebble Beach, USA - 106 yard Par 3


Playing from an elevated tee, you have to hit straight out towards the Pacific into the ocean winds coming straight back at you. Miss the green and you are either in one of the pit-like bunkers or on the rocks amongst the crashing waves.







Hole 8 - Royal Troon (Old), Scotland
- 123 yard Par 3


The hole, originally called “Ailsa” because of the perfect view of the rocky islet of that name from the tee, was changed when Willie Park said of the tiny green, “A pitching surface skimmed down to the size of a Postage Stamp”. There is no safe way to play this hole, the ball must find the green, two bunkers protect the left side of the green while a large crater bunker shields the approach, any mistake on the right will find one of the two deep bunkers with near vertical faces.



Hole 9 - Royal County Down, Northern Ireland
- 486 yard Par 4


This long par 4 is perhaps one of the most photographed holes in world golf. A blind tee shot is played down the left to a sweeping fairway some eighty feet below to set up the best approach to the green. Too far left and you will find a dense gorse covered dune, more room is available on the right for the shorter hitter, although not providing the best approach.



Hole 10 - Turnberry (Ailsa), Scotland
- 457 yard Par 4


Dinna Fouter ‘Don’t Mess About’ is a fantastic hole that rewards a brave tee shot down the left to shorten the hole, stray too far left however and the Firth of Clyde awaits. More trouble can be found in the middle of the fairway in the shape of two pot bunkers, while the famous island bunker protects the approach to the green.





Hole 11 - Ballybunion (Old), Ireland
- 451 yard Par 4


Perched high on the cliffs and flanked by an impressive half-moon bay it’s no wonder Tom Watson once described this as one of the toughest holes in golf. Anything going right will disappear into the crashing waves of the Atlantic while anything left will find a terrain of brown and purple dunes.





Hole 12 - Kingsbarns, Scotland - 606 yard Par 5


This long par 5 hugs the coast line with its dogleg right to left shape, tempting many shortcut shots, although the ever changing wind makes it very risky to put your ball out over the sea. Set up an approach from the right to provide a good angle for the third shot down to the middle of the long narrow green, taking the large greenside bunker out of play.





Hole 13 - Pacific Dunes, USA - 444 yard Par 4


Regularly playing into the wind this hole often plays longer than its yardage suggests. Aim right with your tee shot as there is much more room than is visible from the tee. The very deep and slightly elevated green is mostly hidden for your approach so it will be difficult to tell where the hole is located.



Hole 14 - Royal Dornoch, Scotland - 445 yard Par 4


Named ‘Foxy’ this is the only hole on the course without a bunker. The left side of the fairway is full of mounds, while the right side has many grassy peninsulas protruding out towards the fairway and defending the right of the elevated green, which has a steep rise of about 5ft at the front with a 10ft drop left and right.



Hole 15 - Cape Kidnappers, New Zealand
- 650 yard Par 5


Make sure you stay on the fairway with your drive as there is a 140-metre cliff on the left and a 20-metre drop on the right. The key to this hole is to keep it simple, three or four straight shots and you are safely on the green.



Hole 16 - Sandy Lane (Green Monkey), Barbados
- 226 yard Par 3


The bunker with the green monkey inside it makes this one of the most unique and grandest holes in golf. The long right to left green is nestled into a large quarry lake at the foot of a colossal quarry wall.



Hole 17 - TPC Sawgrass (Stadium), USA
- 137 yard Par 3


What can be said about this hole? Get it on the land, accomplish that and you may just manage to two putt, assuming you get it on the right level.



Hole 18 – Sunningdale (Old), England
- 423 yard Par 4


This is a tough uphill finishing hole with bunkers in the fairway waiting to swallow an errant tee-shot. You are left with a short iron approach towards a green that is back dropped with the clubhouse and a stunning old oak tree, mishit your approach and a less than welcoming bunker awaits.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Size 42 sir? Ooooooh! Looks the business, that sir ...

Here, take the weight off your bunions...

Who'd have thought that Andy Barwell, Azalea sort-of-staffer, marketing guru and - according to Pro Shop Europe's former editor, Paul Trow - the most "happening" figure in the UK golf industry right now, would end up in Munich helping European golf retailers and distributors slip into the most comfortable golf shoe on the planet (We did! - Blog ED)

Such is the life of a hard-working golf PR and marketing agent.


Representing Portuguese-based golf shoe brand Lambda, Azalea had its work cut out at Golf Europe this week, with a steady stream of buyers from all over the continent coming on to the stand and getting very excited by the latest entrant to the "classic" golf shoe market.

The Imperia range, featuring national flags on the shoes, caused most heads to turn, with the Bavarians, Bulgarians and Belgians getting particularly excited. And countries whose residents don't begin with the letter B were equally entranced.


Armed also with the BLACKTEE 2010 diary, and the innovative on-course game GolfMission, Azalea barely had time to stop for any light refreshments. Apart from when we did stop for light refreshments. Which we did.

Except being German they weren't light. They were pretty heavy, contained about a litre, and were being enjoyed by several thousand Bavarian revellers singing to the most dreadful music.


Now where did I put my lederhosen...
ANDY

Dream On - the golf book of the year


To achieve his goal John Richardson read more than 60 books … All you have to do is read his…

DREAM ON

Dream On chronicles the attempts of a golf hacker to break par within one calendar year.

Former Ryder Cup captain Sam Torrance provided author John Richardson with the inspiration for his book title when he told him to “dream on”.


Irish golfing legend Darren Clarke told Richardson three years was a much more achievable aim. Fortunately for lovers of golf and books Richardson went his own way and achieved his goal with just 72 hours to spare.

Dream On is the story of that achievement.

“I’m heartily recommending Dream On to anybody who plays golf off any sort of handicap from 10 upwards.”
John Inverdale, BBC Radio5live

Learn how, despite having no discernible natural talent, precious little time and a lack of fitness, a man in his late 30s knocked 33 shots of his golf score.


Dream On will INSPIRE, ENTERTAIN and ASTONISH in equal measure; it is a story of disbelief and determination, trauma and triumph. But above all it’s a story of golf and what the human spirit can achieve if it really wants to.

IN FIGURES

• 363 days
• 60+ coaching books
• 70,000+ range balls hit
• 7 golf gloves
• 2 pairs of golf shoes
• 500+ miles walked

Dream On has attained the #1 spot in ‘golf books’ at online bookseller Amazon – yet most people are unaware of it. That is because it hasn’t garnered its popularity through the traditional methods of book marketing.

Instead it used the power of social networking – Richardson’s Facebook and Twitter following exceeds 8,000 and that has established the book through viral ‘word of mouth’.

Richardson said: “I became fascinated by the opportunity that Twitter offers for its users to interact with authors. In the past, if you read and enjoyed a book, it was almost impossible to contact the author to let him or her know. Twitter provides a way for authors and readers to interact in a very contained and interesting way.

“You can’t come on and sell on Twitter, that’s not how it works. You have to be helpful and it has to be a two-way street. It is easy to look at it sceptically and ask where the money is in people tweeting about making a cup of tea. But there are strong communities on Twitter and it is a good way to get hold of people and improve a brand.”

And Richardson has expanded his profile as a sought-after motivational speaker and golf ‘coach’.

So now, Dream On is going ‘mainstream’ and will be available in High St bookshops. A second print run means the book can be sent out to ‘real’ journalists – not just the virtual kind – for book reviews and interviews, to present it to a new and wider audience.

Richardson has even had his hair trimmed and updated his Facebook picture.

To arrange an interview with inspirational author John Richardson, or to request a review copy of Dream On, please contact Dave Bowers, at the Azalea Group, on 0044 1730 711920 or email dave@theazaleagroup.com.

About the author
John Richardson, 42, from Bangor, Northern Ireland, spent more than 15 successful years in the coffee bar and catering industries, at one time running the largest sandwich business in Ireland.

He also wrote the definitive Wake Up and Smell the Profit: 52 Guaranteed Ways to Make More Money in your Coffee Business.

And then he found golf…

Follow John Richardson
On Facebook: www.facebook.com/tjohnrrichardson

On Twitter: http://twitter.com/BreakParGolf

About the publisher

Belfast-based Blackstaff Press has been one of Ireland’s foremost publishers for nearly 40 years. In 1992 it was named UK Small Publisher of the Year by the Sunday Times and also won the AIB Better Ireland Communication Award.

Blackstaff Press is a member of the W&G Baird Group.

www.blackstaffpress.com

Dream On – One Hacker’s Challenge to Break Par in a Year

by John Richardson
Paperback £9.99

978-0-85640-841-0

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Catch it while you can

It's Wednesday; it's 5pm ... and while Crackerjack may be just a distant memory, there's something much better on Sky Sports Extra tonight.

The hour-long 2009 Disabled British Open (DBO) highlights programme is being aired tonight on Sky Sports Extra (channel 404), from 5pm.

The DBO was an event organised wholly by Azalea and we are immensely proud of our colleagues who were involved with it.

Here is a link to the DBO website, but if you don't want to know the score, look away now... LINK
BUNKY

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

We're movin on up now...

And the good news just keeps on coming out of Azalea Towers...

RECOGNITION FOR MALLORCA'S 'AUGUSTA'

Just two years after opening, Son Gual, Mallorca’s top golf course, is celebrating after making it into Golf World’s prestigious top 100 European courses list.

The 7,240-yard, Thomas Himmel-designed course is a new entry into the list at 91, a position which delighted managing director Andreas Pamer.

He said: “We have worked very hard to elevate Son Gual to be the best golf course on the island and one of the best in Spain. To achieve this recognition from such an influential magazine in such a short space of time is testament to the work put in by everybody here.

“But we will not sit back and congratulate ourselves; we will continue to offer the best golf possible and it is our intention to be regarded as the best course in Spain in time, and to continually improve our ranking within Golf World’s significant ratings.”

Son Gual was quickly recognised as a top course and was awarded the Mallorca Senior Open which it hosted for the first time in May, when former Ryder Cup captain Ian Woosnam compared the greens to those at Augusta National.


The 1991 Masters winner said: “It’s a bit like Augusta. There are a lot of slopes on the greens. You’ve got to get the ball on the right side of the hole – if you don’t you’ll be struggling. Miss it on the wrong side and you’re dead.”


Golf World’s description of the course said: “The course is laid out in two very distinctive halves, the front nine running along the extremity of the estate, with the second encompassed within its centre … making it one of the more spectacular courses in the Mediterranean region.”


The course’s reputation has been spreading far and wide with many celebrities taking time out to visit when on the island.


Liverpool winger Albert Riera, who used to live just down the road from the course, has gone on record to say it is his favourite course, and his fellow Mallorquine, tennis superstar Rafael Nadal, is also a regular visitor.


Golden Balls presenter Jasper Carrott and Sky Sports’ pundits Jamie Redknapp, Andy Gray, Alan McInally and Alan Smith are just some of the British celebrities to have been seen walking Son Gual’s pristine fairways in the last few months.


www.son-gual.com

ENDS


Information for journalists.


• Pictures of Golf Son Gual are available upon request


For further information on Golf Son Gual please contact Dave Bowers at the Azalea Group on 08700 330550, or
email dave@theazaleagroup.com.

Lambda's international recognition

It's always great to be part of a new product and here at Azalea Towers we're delighted to be involved with Lambda & Omega, a Portuguese company launching a new range of golf shoes at Golf Europe, next week.

LAMBDA'S INTERNATIONAL RECOGNITION
With Lambda’s new Imperia golf shoe, your playing partners will be left in no doubt as to your nationality.

The Imperia – shown above carrying the Union Flag – is available in six different flag versions – and what’s more it’s environmentally friendly.

Lambda & Omega’s managing director, Paulo Freitas, said: “There is now a fashion in golf for national pride to be displayed at every opportunity. Naturally Britain’s Ian Poulter has been at the forefront of this with his Union Flag trousers, but you can also now get golf bags, pitchmark repairers and all manner of accessories carrying your national flag.

“Now, with the addition of the Lambda Imperia shoe, you can complete the ensemble. We currently offer a choice of six different flags – with more planned – which could make for some interesting fourballs…”

Combining the finest quality materials with the latest, innovative technology, Lambda’s classic-look golf shoes are functional and reliable, while remaining comfortable and fashionable – and are manufactured ethically.

While many big-name shoe brands outsource manufacture to Third World countries, all Lambda shoes are manufactured in Portugal, with materials sourced from within the European Union.

Freitas added: “Sourcing from within the EU enables us to manage the entire production process and ensure the highest quality from start to finish.

“At a time when we are all increasingly conscious of the need to cut down on the planet’s carbon footprint, we felt sourcing local materials and reducing the need for long-distance transportation of manufacturing materials and the finished product was essential.

“Hence the whole manufacturing process takes place here in Portugal.”

Such attention to detail is also reflected in the finished product which demonstrates the combination of tradition and innovation.

The hand-made Lambda range has a classic golf-shoe appearance, with fully treated water-repellent, Portuguese leather, but a special membrane inlay sole absorbs force to reduce the impact on knees, hips and back to make the game more enjoyable.

A unique treatment provides temperature-responsive waterproof protection and breathability, while the full leather lining produces superior comfort and an ethylene-vinyl acetate (EVA) insert and leather sock-liner provides shock absorption and cushioning.
  • Prices for the Lambda golf shoe range start at €119 and the brand is on display at Golf Europe in Munich, September 27-29 in Hall 2, Booth A28.
ENDS

Information for journalists Issued by the Azalea Group on behalf of Lambda & Omega.

For more information or hi-res imagery contact Dave Bowers on 08700 330550 or email dave@theazaleagroup.com

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Swiss. Hole. Big cheese. Compose your own headline here

The 2010 Guinness Book of World Records comes out today apparently. I say apparently because we haven't been sent an advance copy or anything. We just know these things.

But it's still 2009 and we were interested to see in this year's edition about the oldest person in the world ever to record a hole-in-one.

Amazingly, at the age of 99 years and 244 days, Otto Bucher, from Switzerland, aced the 119m, 12th hole on La Manga's South course on January 13, 1985.

Which begs the question, at that age, why wasn't he still sleeping off his Christmas dinner...?
BUNKY

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Sole traders

Every week the two of them go head to head - and every week they both claim top spot.

No not Man Utd and Chelsea; not even Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson. That would be at least mildly interesting.

No, this constant battle for top spot is between two golf shoe plastic cleat manufacturers.





Softspikes and Champ go head-to-head again . . .
and again . . . and again


Every week, after the weekend's tournaments are complete the PR machines of the two rival manufacturers go into overdrive hoping that one day, somebody will be minutely interested in what they had to say. And every week, The Wire, bless it, tells us all about it.

I mean, come on, we're all in favour of a bit of positive PR but when do you finally accept you need a new hook for a release . . .?

BUNKY

Friday, September 11, 2009

We should not forget

It was eight years ago today - and we should at least pause to remember...

Is it me?

I can’t be alone in finding the timbre and inflection of Robert Peston’s voice irritating.

The BBC’s business editor pops up on all forms of the corporation’s digital platform – web, radio and TV – and on each occasion he comes on I find I lose interest in the subject matter because I’m constantly bewildered by the apparent arbitrary nature of his vocal chords.

I detest the rising inflection so beloved of teenagers because of their over-exposure to Aussie soap operas at an early age? I’m at a loss to understand why every sentence they utter should sound like a question?

You know what I mean – admittedly it doesn’t become too apparent in a blog, but we’ve all heard it?

But at least that’s only at the end of a sentence. Peston’s delivery pauses at inappropriate times, stresses words seemingly at random and never gives the impression he’s actually imparting a serious piece of news.

This morning for instance he was talking about the bosses of MG Rover, who awarded themselves an obscene £42m in salaries and bonuses before taking the company down the tubes with the loss of 6,500 jobs.

I know this because I saw it on the
BBC website and not because of Peston. When he spoke on Radio 4 on the subject earlier today I once again found myself mesmerised my his erratic speech patterns while remaining largely ill-informed.

I wonder is there a society out there for like-minded Peston sufferers?
BUNKY

Friday, September 04, 2009

Train of thought

It's been fascinating - and heartwarming - this week to watch the story unfold of the Holocaust evacuees who have retraced their steps on a steam train from Prague to London.

We live in such a pampered and largely danger-free generation that it is often very difficult for us to envisage what life was like before the advent of microwave ovens, X-boxes, cars with airbags, and the defeat of the Nazi hordes trampling all over free Europe.

Congratulations to those TV companies who have given such extensive coverage to a genuine human interest story. And brickbats to those who still feel Katie Price's love life is more important.

What's interesting to note is what hasn't changed in 70 years. It's taken four days to get from Prague to London . . . so it's just like travelling on Virgin Trains!
BUNKY

Friday, August 28, 2009

Sales are down

We received a press release today about the launch of Chelsea striker Didier Drogba's autobiography.

Apparently, at Waterstone's, in Charing Cross Road, there was a huge pile of the books on display which inexplicably collapsed and fell to the ground. Spooky or what?
BUNKY

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Strictly disappointing

Don't laugh, but here at Azalea Towers we're quite keen on Strictly Come Dancing. We're all desperate to get our hands on some tickets to see a show, or at least we have been previously.

The new batch of celebrities has been announced for the 2009 incarnation of the show and, personally, I'm a little underwhelmed.

I imagined that the show was now so popular all the big names would want to participate, a little like the Morecambe & Wise Show in the 70s. In truth the 2009 line-up is C-list at best - indeed the biggest names taking part are now the dancers themselves. What a disappointment.

One can only assume that 'big-name' celebrities are either too busy or reluctant to allow the general public to see the 'real' them. What a shame. Strictly is a great show but it does need a little real celeb sparkle, at least initially.

This year, my favourites are likely to be BBC sports presenter Chris Hollins and Ola Jordan; Laila Rouass (despite the fact I've never heard of her) and Anton du Beke, because he's a top bloke; Darren Bennett and Lynda Bellingham, because I've fancied her since I was a kid; or the ex-wife of a celebrity, Jo Wood, and her partner Strictly 'bad boy' Brendan Cole, because I interviewed him recently and, off-set, he's a different, very affable guy.

When the show was launched a few years ago, we were representing then world darts champion Andy Fordham, and the show's production company wanted him to participate. We thought it would be a great opportunity for him, but he declined. Given his subsequent health scares it was probably a good decision, but he would certainly have been the John Sergeant of his day.

For 2010, I'd like to volunteer the services of a fat blogger and journalist; I'm even more of a non-entity than those taking part this year so I should fit the bill.
BUNKY

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Did ya miss him?

Bunky's been ill so there have been no Azalea posts for a while - and he's too damned idle to put one up now, so if you want to see what's riling the fat curmudgeon currently you'll have to check out his own personal blog here.

Alternatively you might wish to poke your eye out with a sharpened stick. We know which we'd prefer...
THE TEAM

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Going the extra smile

There are two 'Post-People' who deliver regularly to our office: the first, a guy in his mid-50s, walks in says 'Hi!' to whoever's present and puts the post on Sally's desk; the second is a woman in her late-30s who opens the outside door and throws the post on to our doormat without so much as a grunt of acknowledgment.

Once again, when the latter thumped today's post on to the mat, I opined that she was a miserable so-and-so.

I was then taken to task over my comment by my colleague, Lee, who suggested she was doing all that she had to do: deliver post.

"Just because the other guy comes in and says 'hello' doesn't mean she's miserable because she doesn't," he insisted. "It's just like somebody phoning here on a regular basis, speaking normally to me or Henry, and then getting you. Just because you're not so helpful and sound like you can't wait to get off the phone, doesn't make you a miserable git . . . "

Doesn't it? I can see I need to work on my technique.
BUNKY

Monday, August 10, 2009

One knight in heaven. . .

During the course of my working week last week I got to interview Sir Alex Ferguson.

Now, in every interview I've seen SAF give down the years he's always looked as if his blood pressure was going through the roof and he'd rather be somewhere else.

On this occasion, however, he could not have been more relaxed. He started off with a golf joke - we were talking before he teed off in a celebrity golf event - and then spent 25 minutes talking about the prospects for the coming season, for United and their nearest rivals.

Thankfully he also told me about his favourite places to play golf, as that was the reason for me being in on the interview. He spent 25 minutes with us before being dragged off by a PR girl as he was needed to start the event.

I was, therefore, delighted to see a headline this morning on the BBC website which said: "Ferguson fumes at ref after loss". The season proper is still yet to start and normal service has been resumed. Thanks Sir Alex . . .
BUNKY

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Busy times at AT

"So what's happening at Azalea Towers at the moment?" I hear you ask.

Well obviously I didn't because we're not sat in the same room, but it's my intention to make this post seem as if it's forced on us by public demand. A bit like the letters and emails to Jon Holmes on Radio 4's The Now Show.

Well actually reader(s), quite a lot since you ask - and thanks for your interest.

We've recently taken on three new clients:

Golf Mission is a UK-based product which is a "fun on-course game with serious benefits"; the pro:fantastic Golf Challenge is a unique Stableford event in which supporters of football clubs play for the right to represent their club in an overseas final in a team led by a club legend; and World Sport Destination Expo, in Johannesburg, in 2010, offers sports tourism leaders a platform to network and conduct business in a unique environment.

So we're expecting to be very busy over the next few months - all the pro:fantastic Golf Challenge regional events take place in September - particularly as we have one or two more potential clients 'bubbling under'.

But that doesn't give us an excuse to neglect our blog. If we do that please feel free to send us an email of ill-informed abuse at any time . . .

BUNKY

Friday, July 17, 2009

Eddie's a Shore loser

The lack of comments on this blog does not concern me. I'm old enough and ugly enough to realise that if you really want to stir up the proverbial hornets' nest you need to poke it with a big stick.

I've not done any poking yet. I'm not sure I necessarily want to be controversial just for the sake of it. I leave that to my newspaper columns.

But some bloggers rejoice in riling people. Take American Eddie Shore as an example. He's decided to lay into the Open Championship, presumably because it's not the 'throwing darts' version of the game with which he's familiar.

He claims:

  • It's not real golf
  • The Scots invented the game, but the Yanks "perfected it"
  • It's not a proper major
  • US greenkeepers get paid to "grow grass, not kill it"
  • The Open is always played "in the middle of an abandoned WWII airfield"
  • And it starts at 3am his local time
Yes, obviously the man's a plonker. Check him out for yourself at http://www.opensports.com/community/user/blog_entry/661851/debaa82d-9523-4ac8-aa1b-469b26aeebf7.

He knows he's going to get abuse, but at least people are acknowledging his existence. I think I'm going to go away and pen a piece about how US baseball's FA Cup is called the World Series when 90 per cent of the world don't play the sport.
BUNKY

Taxi!

Mmmm... Jaco Ahlers was 156th after the first day of the Open Championship at Turnberry. That's stone last.

Expect to see Pete's putter somewhere at the bottom of Wilson's Burn today.
BUNKY

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Clothes maketh the man

You can guarantee much will be made of the fashion on display at Turnberry this week.

John Daly, Ian Poulter et al will all be strutting their stuff trying to win the title for 'most outrageous outfit' in lieu of an actual golf success.

But fashion quote of the week for me, goes to the tournament's early leader, Lee Westwood, who said: "I can't say I've pieced together my wardrobe for the week. I wear whatever's clean . . . "

Wouldn't you just love to see him win it?
BUNKY

Pete's chance to be a Legend

Obviously, what's left of the team at Azalea Towers will be catching up occasionally on the TV coverage of the Open Championship at Turnberry.

But we will be particularly interested in the performance of South African Jaco Ahlers. He is the touring professional of one of our clients: Legend Golf & Safari Resort, in Limpopo Province.

What's more he's playing with a putter he's 'borrowed' from our very own Pete Richardson.

Apparently Pete didn't take any clubs out with him when he legged it (. . . sorry moved) out to South Africa and bought himself a new putter. Jaco borrowed it one day and liked it so much he hasn't given it back . . . yet.

Pete reckons it's so long since he's seen it all he can recall is that "it might be an Odyssey".

If Jaco comes in at 750/1 - more if you look around I would suspect - expect Pete to take the credit. If he misses the cut with an average of four putts per hole and 100 per cent greens in regulation, we'll probably never hear about it again . . .
BUNKY

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

When good words go bad

I've decided the modern world is rubbish - at least when it comes to the English language.

Everything I was taught when I started out as a journalist now seems to be forgotten - and Samuel Pepys was a damned good lecturer.

For example, I was always told that despite its constant erroneous usage, the word 'myriad' is an adjective not a noun. For years I have subbed out 'a myriad of' to be replaced by simply 'myriad'.

Now, dictionaries are listing myriad as a noun, as well as an adjective, so common has the error become. And I'm not happy about it.

Likewise the constant use of 'try and' instead of 'try to' which is almost always the correct form. Some of the worst offenders are presenters and reporters on the BBC, who, quite simply, should know better.

And the same can also be said for broadcasters' use of 'due to' instead of 'because of' (or 'owing to') when not modifying a noun.

My first editor would turn in his grave; if he were dead that is . . . which he isn't. He lives on the Isle of Wight, which may be considered the same thing.

Yes, I know I'm a grammar pedant. And an anorak. And possibly even have too much time on my hands. But the English language is such a beautiful thing it seems a pity to allow sloppiness to ruin it.

*This rant can be considered an application for the BBC's excellent Grumpy Old Men
BUNKY

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Naval chief can handle choppy waters

The Ladies PGA Tour sailed into some choppy waters last year when it attempted to introduce a 'mandatory English language' rule, almost certainly to placate sponsors.

Amid accusations of xenophobia, the powers-that-be relented and the Koreans - for that was in effect at whom the change was aimed - stayed on tour and continue to win majors.

Now, following the resignation of LPGA commissioner Carolyn Bivens, the new acting commissioner is Rear Admiral Marsha J Evans, US Navy (retd).

The board's chairman, Dawn Hudson, insisted they wanted somebody with "experience of leading a large organisation" . . . and they certainly have that.

Perhaps they're fearing some more choppy waters, for the US Military is hardly renowned for its tolerance towards foreign nationals . . .
BUNKY

Monday, July 13, 2009

No pleasing some people...

Golf fans - and golf writers - are a difficult breed to please.

When Tiger Woods was winning everything - before he admitted his leg was busted and gave everybody the psychological boost they needed, before taking it away again by saying he'd won the US Open with it - people were bemoaning his dominance saying it wasn't good for the sport.

'Where are all the other challengers?' the pundits mused. 'His dominance is ruining golf' they claimed.

Fast forward 10 months and followers of the women's game, particularly in the US, are upset for the opposite reason: there's no dominant woman - primarily there's no dominant woman, or even emerging woman, to whom the US public can lay claim.

After 23-year-old South Korean Eun Hee Ji took the US Women's Open title yesterday, critics in the US started bemoaning the fact that 16 different players had won the last 17 majors, with only world number Lorena Ochoa winning twice.

What really rankles one would imagine is that only eight of the last 37 major championships have been won by an American.

Surely the competition is great for the sport? One only has to look at Premiership football to realise how dull and uninteresting a sport can become if its front-runners are already determined before the start of the campaign.

In the last few years more focus has been on the bottom end of the table where the excitement and unpredictability is riveting.

Personally, if 16 different players had won the last 17 men's majors I'd be overjoyed - not least because chances are my Paddy Power account wouldn't look quite so bleak...
BUNKY

Monday, July 06, 2009

Genetically-modified TV

I did not imagine, even in my wildest nightmares, that the current fad for all things 80s would see a return to our screens of that Lycra-clad loon Mr Motivator.

He certainly motivates me to do something but I don't think he would approve - though his dentist might appreciate the work. EVERYBODY SAY AAAH!

I detest the sight of Brits - albeit in this case a Jamaican-born Brit - as pseudo Americans, with all the "let me hear ya say yeah!" and constant whooping and hollering. What's more the sight of it over the breakfast table is enough to make me choke on my Fruit and Fibre.

However, Mr M is not the worst of it currently. He has been joined on GMTV by Deanne Berry who looks great but sounds like somebody pulling a cheese grater over a blackboard.

If there's one thing worse than a Jamaican-born pseudo American fitness guru it's a whining Aussie pseudo American fitness guru. Whoo! Yeah!

Berry rose to prominence by appearing as a fitness instructor in the video for Eric Prydz's hit Call on Me in 2004. She was great in that because she had no dialogue. Hats off to the video's producer who knew what he or she was doing. More fool GMTV for giving her voice.

But what should we expect from GMTV? When it was first launched as TVam 26 years ago, it was seen as a serious rival to the BBC's Breakfast-Time. Now it's not even a serious rival to CBeebies.

As a hack, one has to feel sorry for journalists like John Stapleton and Richard Gaisford who are often sent out to report on one of the genuinely important news stories of the day only to be cut short by Emma Crosby - the non-thinking man's Kelly Brook - who wants to fawn over a boy band or an actor from a US teen show.

"I'm sorry, we're unable to hear any more about the nuclear explosion which has just taken place on the Bakerloo line because somebody you've never heard of, who is set to appear in a film you'll never see, was prepared to give up five minutes at last night's Los Angeles premiere to talk to Carla Romana (somebody you wish you'd never heard of)."

I console myself with the thought that Stapleton, Gaisford and the rest of the 'news' team are planning a Great Escape-style breakout, tunnelling their way through to a 24-hour news channel which will allow them to give full details of the breaking story without interruption from OK!TV and the latest on the Peter Andre/Jordan break-up.

I see it now: the veteran Stapleton pleading with the rest of the team. "Take me with you - I can still see a proper news story!"

Tragedy strikes and the tunnel comes up short. Gaisford turns to his colleagues and says: "Right chaps, we're left with no choice. We have to make a run for it in the clearing and join Channel 5."

"Channel 5?" They respond in horror.

"Calm down chaps. It's not ideal but at least we won't have to put up with Mr bloody Motivator every morning. Who's with me?"
BUNKY

Photographers, photographers, photographers...

For years now Colin Montgomerie has been Europe's Ryder Cup talisman. Let's hope Ian Poulter can take on that mantle, for he sure seems determined to take over Monty's status as the grumpiest man in golf.

OK, an inexperienced snapper took pictures in his downswing; we accept that's off-putting. OK he shouldn't have done it; but for heaven's sake get over it. His post-final round interview was cringeworthy.

Poulter could do worse than to look at his contemporaries in tennis - there the world's top players are constantly being photographed but they are so focussed it makes no difference to them.

They are also gracious in defeat despite being clearly upset - or at least Andy Roddick is.

In his post-Wimbledon final interview he admitted how disappointed he was and how strong his opponent, Roger Federer, had been. He didn't complain about the surface, the photographers, the crowd interruptions - which are starting to become unacceptable - or the quality of the Robinson's Barley Water.

He gave his best, came second and took it on the chin. Ian Poulter take note.
BUNKY

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Taking Sport to the Masses

Back when Henry's dad, Peter Alliss, was taking golf to the masses via the BBC's Pro-Celebrity Golf, the sport was considered elitist - very much for the middle and upper classes.

It had been that way for some time; for example, PG Wodehouse wrote 97 books - according to Wikipedia anyway, which also states he was Marilyn Monroe's father and the first man to sail down the Thames wearing nothing more than a flat cap - and while golf featured regularly in the outings of the minor aristocracy, the likes of football or boxing only merited a mention when one of the major characters ventured into the seedier parts of East London.

For most of the 20th century, sports such as football and boxing were the preserve of the working classes; the middle classes satisfied themselves with cricket, golf and tennis - co-incidentally primarily non-contact sports.

Actually being in physical contact with another person was obviously beneath those who would only engage in such shenanigans in the comfort of the maid's own room.

But times changed: thanks to Alliss Snr and the success of Tony Jacklin's Ryder Cup team in the 80s, golf suddenly became attractive to everybody; the sight of Chris Evert's well-turned calves and the bad-boy antics of John McEnroe, increased the popularity of tennis; and while Ian Botham is hardly a working-class icon, his pot-smoking and other off-field antics certainly endeared him to a new generation of fans, as an old-school tie was no longer deemed a prerequisite for a career in first-class cricket.

But the popularity of all these sports became a double-edged sword in the 90s - and the blade now cuts even deeper as the 21st century's second decade looms over the horizon.

The satellite broadcaster Sky threw money at football in England and the sport broke through a fiscal glass ceiling. Other sports saw the potential and wanted a piece of the action - and with a knowing grin Sky acquiesced.

Prawn sandwiches (copyright Roy Keane) became de rigueur at football instead of Bovril and Wagon Wheels and, as players' salaries increased to ludicrous levels, ticket prices were hiked accordingly, meaning it was no longer the working man's sport.

Now, if you want to watch almost any live sport you have to subscribe to Sky Sports, which, in theory at least, means that most sports are now the preserve of those with plenty of disposable income.

Which begs the question, how come you see more satellite dishes in the narrow terraced streets of Liverpool, Wolverhampton and Portsmouth than in the leafy suburbs of Esher?

Answers on a postcard please . . . or alternatively as a comment below. I'd be fascinated to know.

BUNKY

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Success v Personality - A Difficult Choice

We're a pretty eclectic bunch when it comes to following sports here at Azalea Towers.

Obviously, as we spend a lot of time working in golf, we're all keen golfers. Football - the European variety as opposed to Gridiron - is another one which gets our juices flowing.

Indeed we have pretty much everything covered, as with Henry and Andy having had a public school education, even lacrosse, polo and real tennis get a look-in.

But of course, at the moment, the whole country's only interested in the 'I can't believe it's not real' tennis variety - the one at Wimbledon.

And watching Andy Murray's progress through to the semi-final had me feeling a little sorry for Tim Henman - not an emotion I ever thought I'd feel. It's a fair bet that the surly Scot will achieve more in his career than Tiger Tim did. If he goes on to win Wimbledon this week, the bookies will stop taking bets on the winner of the BBC Sports Personality of the Year award. And that's somewhat ironic, for Murray makes Henman look like Timmy Mallett.

He is devoid of any personality and must make the BBC sports interviewers long for the chance to ask the taciturn Gordon Strachan for a 'quick word' - "velocity" was the then Saints' manager's whimsical response.

What a trade-off we have to make for sporting success in this country - if we want to win something we have to endure a non-personality (Nigel Mansell); or we can put up with being a popular second and maintain the slapstick traditions of the British pantomime (Frank Bruno).
It's a tough choice and if Murray falls at the semi-final stage we won't yet have to make it.

"C'MON TIM!"

BUNKY


Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The First Thunderbug of Summer

Azalea Towers is on a farm. It's a delightful environment, with views across the South Downs.
However, it doesn't have air conditioning and at the moment that's a big issue. As the temperature soars to a level which could make Bowers' botox bubble there is an increasing demand for fresh air to be circulating.


There would be no debate over this were it not for Lee Todd, a man originally considered lost in a plane crash but subsequently raised by lizards in a desert environment.


Such an upbringing has left him impervious to heat - he's been known to wear thermal underwear in a sauna. But he claims he does feel the cold, even when the wind has as much life as Peter Viggers' political career and the mercury is pleading to be allowed to climb out of the top of the thermometer.

If he's in a good mood he'll allow one window to be opened just wide enough to squeeze a credit card through on its edge - and half-an-hour later, he'll don his coat just to make us all feel guilty.

Should he open both windows by his desk - an occurence as rare as Manchester City not being linked with a world-class striker - he'll start to complain that thunderbugs are invading his monitor.

At that moment, we know summer is truly upon us...
BUNKY

Hapanese Jacku

Farewell then Jacko
You were the Eighties' hero
But you were quite mad
BUNKY