Going the extra smile

There are two 'Post-People' who deliver regularly to our office: the first, a guy in his mid-50s, walks in says 'Hi!' to whoever's present and puts the post on Sally's desk; the second is a woman in her late-30s who opens the outside door and throws the post on to our doormat without so much as a grunt of acknowledgment.

Once again, when the latter thumped today's post on to the mat, I opined that she was a miserable so-and-so.

I was then taken to task over my comment by my colleague, Lee, who suggested she was doing all that she had to do: deliver post.

"Just because the other guy comes in and says 'hello' doesn't mean she's miserable because she doesn't," he insisted. "It's just like somebody phoning here on a regular basis, speaking normally to me or Henry, and then getting you. Just because you're not so helpful and sound like you can't wait to get off the phone, doesn't make you a miserable git . . . "

Doesn't it? I can see I need to work on my technique.

BUNKY

One knight in heaven. . .

During the course of my working week last week I got to interview Sir Alex Ferguson.

Now, in every interview I've seen SAF give down the years he's always looked as if his blood pressure was going through the roof and he'd rather be somewhere else.

On this occasion, however, he could not have been more relaxed. He started off with a golf joke - we were talking before he teed off in a celebrity golf event - and then spent 25 minutes talking about the prospects for the coming season, for United and their nearest rivals.

Thankfully he also told me about his favourite places to play golf, as that was the reason for me being in on the interview. He spent 25 minutes with us before being dragged off by a PR girl as he was needed to start the event.

I was, therefore, delighted to see a headline this morning on the BBC website which said: "Ferguson fumes at ref after loss". The season proper is still yet to start and normal service has been resumed. Thanks Sir Alex . . .

BUNKY

Busy times at AT

"So what's happening at Azalea Towers at the moment?" I hear you ask.

Well obviously I didn't because we're not sat in the same room, but it's my intention to make this post seem as if it's forced on us by public demand. A bit like the letters and emails to Jon Holmes on Radio 4's The Now Show.

Well actually reader(s), quite a lot since you ask - and thanks for your interest.

We've recently taken on three new clients:

• Golf Mission (www.golf-mission.com)
• pro:fantastic Golf Challenge (www.profantasticgolf.com)
• World Sport Destination Expo (www.worldsportdestinationexpo.com)

Golf Mission is a UK-based product which is a "fun on-course game with serious benefits"; the pro:fantastic Golf Challenge is a unique Stableford event in which supporters of football clubs play for the right to represent their club in an overseas final in a team led by a club legend; and World Sport Destination Expo, in Johannesburg, in 2010, offers sports tourism leaders a platform to network and conduct business in a unique environment.

So we're expecting to be very busy over the next few months - all the pro:fantastic Golf Challenge regional events take place in September - particularly as we have one or two more potential clients 'bubbling under'.

But that doesn't give us an excuse to neglect our blog. If we do that please feel free to send us an email of ill-informed abuse at any time . . .

BUNKY

Eddie's a Shore loser

The lack of comments on this blog does not concern me. I'm old enough and ugly enough to realise that if you really want to stir up the proverbial hornets' nest you need to poke it with a big stick.

I've not done any poking yet. I'm not sure I necessarily want to be controversial just for the sake of it. I leave that to my newspaper columns.

But some bloggers rejoice in riling people. Take American Eddie Shore as an example. He's decided to lay into the Open Championship, presumably because it's not the 'throwing darts' version of the game with which he's familiar.

He claims:

• It's not real golf
• The Scots invented the game, but the Yanks "perfected it"
• It's not a proper major
• US greenkeepers get paid to "grow grass, not kill it"
• The Open is always played "in the middle of an abandoned WWII airfield"
• And it starts at 3am his local time

Yes, obviously the man's a plonker. Check him out for yourself at http://www.opensports.com/community/user/blog_entry/661851/debaa82d-9523-4ac8-aa1b-469b26aeebf7.

He knows he's going to get abuse, but at least people are acknowledging his existence. I think I'm going to go away and pen a piece about how US baseball's FA Cup is called the World Series when 90 per cent of the world don't play the sport.

BUNKY

Taxi!

Mmmm... Jaco Ahlers was 156th after the first day of the Open Championship at Turnberry. That's stone last.

Expect to see Pete's putter somewhere at the bottom of Wilson's Burn today.

BUNKY

Clothes maketh the man

You can guarantee much will be made of the fashion on display at Turnberry this week.

John Daly, Ian Poulter et al will all be strutting their stuff trying to win the title for 'most outrageous outfit' in lieu of an actual golf success.

But fashion quote of the week for me, goes to the tournament's early leader, Lee Westwood, who said: "I can't say I've pieced together my wardrobe for the week. I wear whatever's clean . . . "

Wouldn't you just love to see him win it?

BUNKY

Pete's chance to be a Legend

Obviously, what's left of the team at Azalea Towers will be catching up occasionally on the TV coverage of the Open Championship at Turnberry.

But we will be particularly interested in the performance of South African Jaco Ahlers. He is the touring professional of one of our clients: Legend Golf & Safari Resort, in Limpopo Province.

What's more he's playing with a putter he's 'borrowed' from our very own Pete Richardson.

Apparently Pete didn't take any clubs out with him when he legged it (. . . sorry moved) out to South Africa and bought himself a new putter. Jaco borrowed it one day and liked it so much he hasn't given it back . . . yet.

Pete reckons it's so long since he's seen it all he can recall is that "it might be an Odyssey".

If Jaco comes in at 750/1 - more if you look around I would suspect - expect Pete to take the credit. If he misses the cut with an average of four putts per hole and 100 per cent greens in regulation, we'll probably never hear about it again . . .

BUNKY

When good words go bad

I've decided the modern world is rubbish - at least when it comes to the English language.

Everything I was taught when I started out as a journalist now seems to be forgotten - and Samuel Pepys was a damned good lecturer.

For example, I was always told that despite its constant erroneous usage, the word 'myriad' is an adjective not a noun. For years I have subbed out 'a myriad of' to be replaced by simply 'myriad'.

Now, dictionaries are listing myriad as a noun, as well as an adjective, so common has the error become. And I'm not happy about it.

Likewise the constant use of 'try and' instead of 'try to' which is almost always the correct form. Some of the worst offenders are presenters and reporters on the BBC, who, quite simply, should know better.

And the same can also be said for broadcasters' use of 'due to' instead of 'because of' (or 'owing to') when not modifying a noun.

My first editor would turn in his grave; if he were dead that is . . . which he isn't. He lives on the Isle of Wight, which may be considered the same thing.

Yes, I know I'm a grammar pedant. And an anorak. And possibly even have too much time on my hands. But the English language is such a beautiful thing it seems a pity to allow sloppiness to ruin it.

*This rant can be considered an application for the BBC's excellent Grumpy Old Men
BUNKY

Naval chief can handle choppy waters

The Ladies PGA Tour sailed into some choppy waters last year when it attempted to introduce a 'mandatory English language' rule, almost certainly to placate sponsors.

Amid accusations of xenophobia, the powers-that-be relented and the Koreans - for that was in effect at whom the change was aimed - stayed on tour and continue to win majors.

Now, following the resignation of LPGA commissioner Carolyn Bivens, the new acting commissioner is Rear Admiral Marsha J Evans, US Navy (retd).

The board's chairman, Dawn Hudson, insisted they wanted somebody with "experience of leading a large organisation" . . . and they certainly have that.

Perhaps they're fearing some more choppy waters, for the US Military is hardly renowned for its tolerance towards foreign nationals . . .

BUNKY

No pleasing some people...

Golf fans - and golf writers - are a difficult breed to please.

When Tiger Woods was winning everything - before he admitted his leg was busted and gave everybody the psychological boost they needed, before taking it away again by saying he'd won the US Open with it - people were bemoaning his dominance saying it wasn't good for the sport.

'Where are all the other challengers?' the pundits mused. 'His dominance is ruining golf' they claimed.

Fast forward 10 months and followers of the women's game, particularly in the US, are upset for the opposite reason: there's no dominant woman - primarily there's no dominant woman, or even emerging woman, to whom the US public can lay claim.

After 23-year-old South Korean Eun Hee Ji took the US Women's Open title yesterday, critics in the US started bemoaning the fact that 16 different players had won the last 17 majors, with only world number Lorena Ochoa winning twice.

What really rankles one would imagine is that only eight of the last 37 major championships have been won by an American.

Surely the competition is great for the sport? One only has to look at Premiership football to realise how dull and uninteresting a sport can become if its front-runners are already determined before the start of the campaign.

In the last few years more focus has been on the bottom end of the table where the excitement and unpredictability is riveting.

Personally, if 16 different players had won the last 17 men's majors I'd be overjoyed - not least because chances are my Paddy Power account wouldn't look quite so bleak...

BUNKY

Genetically-modified TV

I did not imagine, even in my wildest nightmares, that the current fad for all things 80s would see a return to our screens of that Lycra-clad loon Mr Motivator.

He certainly motivates me to do something but I don't think he would approve - though his dentist might appreciate the work. EVERYBODY SAY AAAH!

I detest the sight of Brits - albeit in this case a Jamaican-born Brit - as pseudo Americans, with all the "let me hear ya say yeah!" and constant whooping and hollering. What's more the sight of it over the breakfast table is enough to make me choke on my Fruit and Fibre.

However, Mr M is not the worst of it currently. He has been joined on GMTV by Deanne Berry who looks great but sounds like somebody pulling a cheese grater over a blackboard.

If there's one thing worse than a Jamaican-born pseudo American fitness guru it's a whining Aussie pseudo American fitness guru. Whoo! Yeah!

Berry rose to prominence by appearing as a fitness instructor in the video for Eric Prydz's hit Call on Me in 2004. She was great in that because she had no dialogue. Hats off to the video's producer who knew what he or she was doing. More fool GMTV for giving her voice.

But what should we expect from GMTV? When it was first launched as TVam 26 years ago, it was seen as a serious rival to the BBC's Breakfast-Time. Now it's not even a serious rival to CBeebies.

As a hack, one has to feel sorry for journalists like John Stapleton and Richard Gaisford who are often sent out to report on one of the genuinely important news stories of the day only to be cut short by Emma Crosby - the non-thinking man's Kelly Brook - who wants to fawn over a boy band or an actor from a US teen show.

"I'm sorry, we're unable to hear any more about the nuclear explosion which has just taken place on the Bakerloo line because somebody you've never heard of, who is set to appear in a film you'll never see, was prepared to give up five minutes at last night's Los Angeles premiere to talk to Carla Romana (somebody you wish you'd never heard of)."

I console myself with the thought that Stapleton, Gaisford and the rest of the 'news' team are planning a Great Escape-style breakout, tunnelling their way through to a 24-hour news channel which will allow them to give full details of the breaking story without interruption from OK!TV and the latest on the Peter Andre/Jordan break-up.

I see it now: the veteran Stapleton pleading with the rest of the team. "Take me with you - I can still see a proper news story!"

Tragedy strikes and the tunnel comes up short. Gaisford turns to his colleagues and says: "Right chaps, we're left with no choice. We have to make a run for it in the clearing and join Channel 5."

"Channel 5?" They respond in horror.

"Calm down chaps. It's not ideal but at least we won't have to put up with Mr bloody Motivator every morning. Who's with me?"

BUNKY

Photographers, photographers, photographers...

For years now Colin Montgomerie has been Europe's Ryder Cup talisman. Let's hope Ian Poulter can take on that mantle, for he sure seems determined to take over Monty's status as the grumpiest man in golf.

OK, an inexperienced snapper took pictures in his downswing; we accept that's off-putting. OK he shouldn't have done it; but for heaven's sake get over it. His post-final round interview was cringeworthy.

Poulter could do worse than to look at his contemporaries in tennis - there the world's top players are constantly being photographed but they are so focussed it makes no difference to them.

They are also gracious in defeat despite being clearly upset - or at least Andy Roddick is.

In his post-Wimbledon final interview he admitted how disappointed he was and how strong his opponent, Roger Federer, had been. He didn't complain about the surface, the photographers, the crowd interruptions - which are starting to become unacceptable - or the quality of the Robinson's Barley Water.

He gave his best, came second and took it on the chin. Ian Poulter take note.

BUNKY

Taking Sport to the Masses

Back when Henry's dad, Peter Alliss, was taking golf to the masses via the BBC's Pro-Celebrity Golf, the sport was considered elitist - very much for the middle and upper classes.

It had been that way for some time; for example, PG Wodehouse wrote 97 books - according to Wikipedia anyway, which also states he was Marilyn Monroe's father and the first man to sail down the Thames wearing nothing more than a flat cap - and while golf featured regularly in the outings of the minor aristocracy, the likes of football or boxing only merited a mention when one of the major characters ventured into the seedier parts of East London.

For most of the 20th century, sports such as football and boxing were the preserve of the working classes; the middle classes satisfied themselves with cricket, golf and tennis - co-incidentally primarily non-contact sports.

Actually being in physical contact with another person was obviously beneath those who would only engage in such shenanigans in the comfort of the maid's own room.

But times changed: thanks to Alliss Snr and the success of Tony Jacklin's Ryder Cup team in the 80s, golf suddenly became attractive to everybody; the sight of Chris Evert's well-turned calves and the bad-boy antics of John McEnroe, increased the popularity of tennis; and while Ian Botham is hardly a working-class icon, his pot-smoking and other off-field antics certainly endeared him to a new generation of fans, as an old-school tie was no longer deemed a prerequisite for a career in first-class cricket.

But the popularity of all these sports became a double-edged sword in the 90s - and the blade now cuts even deeper as the 21st century's second decade looms over the horizon.

The satellite broadcaster Sky threw money at football in England and the sport broke through a fiscal glass ceiling. Other sports saw the potential and wanted a piece of the action - and with a knowing grin Sky acquiesced.

Prawn sandwiches (copyright Roy Keane) became de rigueur at football instead of Bovril and Wagon Wheels and, as players' salaries increased to ludicrous levels, ticket prices were hiked accordingly, meaning it was no longer the working man's sport.

Now, if you want to watch almost any live sport you have to subscribe to Sky Sports, which, in theory at least, means that most sports are now the preserve of those with plenty of disposable income.

Which begs the question, how come you see more satellite dishes in the narrow terraced streets of Liverpool, Wolverhampton and Portsmouth than in the leafy suburbs of Esher?

Answers on a postcard please . . . or alternatively as a comment below. I'd be fascinated to know.

BUNKY

Success v Personality - A Difficult Choice

We're a pretty eclectic bunch when it comes to following sports here at Azalea Towers.

Obviously, as we spend a lot of time working in golf, we're all keen golfers. Football - the European variety as opposed to Gridiron - is another one which gets our juices flowing.

Indeed we have pretty much everything covered, as with Henry and Andy having had a public school education, even lacrosse, polo and real tennis get a look-in.

But of course, at the moment, the whole country's only interested in the 'I can't believe it's not real' tennis variety - the one at Wimbledon.

And watching Andy Murray's progress through to the semi-final had me feeling a little sorry for Tim Henman - not an emotion I ever thought I'd feel. It's a fair bet that the surly Scot will achieve more in his career than Tiger Tim did. If he goes on to win Wimbledon this week, the bookies will stop taking bets on the winner of the BBC Sports Personality of the Year award. And that's somewhat ironic, for Murray makes Henman look like Timmy Mallett.

He is devoid of any personality and must make the BBC sports interviewers long for the chance to ask the taciturn Gordon Strachan for a 'quick word' - "velocity" was the then Saints' manager's whimsical response.

What a trade-off we have to make for sporting success in this country - if we want to win something we have to endure a non-personality (Nigel Mansell); or we can put up with being a popular second and maintain the slapstick traditions of the British pantomime (Frank Bruno).
It's a tough choice and if Murray falls at the semi-final stage we won't yet have to make it.

"C'MON TIM!"

BUNKY

The First Thunderbug of Summer

Azalea Towers is on a farm. It's a delightful environment, with views across the South Downs.
However, it doesn't have air conditioning and at the moment that's a big issue. As the temperature soars to a level which could make Bowers' botox bubble there is an increasing demand for fresh air to be circulating.

There would be no debate over this were it not for Lee Todd, a man originally considered lost in a plane crash but subsequently raised by lizards in a desert environment.

Such an upbringing has left him impervious to heat - he's been known to wear thermal underwear in a sauna. But he claims he does feel the cold, even when the wind has as much life as Peter Viggers' political career and the mercury is pleading to be allowed to climb out of the top of the thermometer.

If he's in a good mood he'll allow one window to be opened just wide enough to squeeze a credit card through on its edge - and half-an-hour later, he'll don his coat just to make us all feel guilty.

Should he open both windows by his desk - an occurence as rare as Manchester City not being linked with a world-class striker - he'll start to complain that thunderbugs are invading his monitor.

At that moment, we know summer is truly upon us...

BUNKY

Hapanese Jacku

Farewell then Jacko
You were the Eighties' hero
But you were quite mad

BUNKY